It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything here. Just have had lots of things going on, both good and bad. Over the last few months I’ve been going through the normal ups and downs of someone in my situation. When you are going through them yourself though it seems like the worst thing in the world, loneliness, jealousy, depression, etc. The other night though I had a self-realization. I was at the local bar, which seems like I have been there too much lately, it just dawned on me that I was trying to find happiness in the bottom of a bottle and in the nicotine of a cigarette. I’m 36 years old, I am too old, too smart, and have too much else to loose to become another bar bum.

It’s not like I was going to the bar every night, but even a couple nights a week is still more than I have been in years. When I was in my early 20’s it was different, I didn’t have a career and didn’t have kids, I was able to mingle socially and make friends easily. But all the drinking and smoking has done nothing to help me or my situation all it’s done is take my money, and make me even more depressed. I hear people talk about how drunk and wasted they got like it was a badge of honor or some feat of accomplishment. For awhile I was actually jealous of those people because I haven’t been able to go on a bender like that, but now I realize how ridiculous that is. I know how difficult it’s going to be for me to stop drinking and smoking, but I’m going to try, because I know in the long run I will feel better and be better off physically and emotionally.