Some of you probably already know this, but Jenny and I have separated. She has her reasons for wanting to and I just want to ask our friends to please don’t judge what we are doing, just give us both some support. All I want is for her to be happy.

Right now I am just trying to figure things out for myself, try and get through this as best as I can. It’s not going to be easy I know. But i have no other choice.

All I can do now is be the best dad I can be for my two wonderful sons.

I have since moved into an apartment, and so I don’t have access to my most of home workout equipment and heavy bag. I do have my dumbbells, stability ball, exercise bands, and elliptical. I also brought my tire and sledge hammer which I hope to use in the field next to the apartments.

But I will be joining the local YMCA to get in my daily workouts. Mainly for the social aspect and to also have some place to take my sons when they are with me. Newton has a fairly new Y that has indoor pool and other activities.

I will try to resume the regular sporadic posts relating to fitness, food, and what ever else on here.

Fifteen years ago on November 30, I lost my mom to cancer. This was her fourth and last time battling the disease. I was an only child of a single, working mom. She meant everything to me, although I didn’t realize it at the time. The holidays have been bad time for me the past years, I kinda knew why, but I also didn’t deal with it like I should have. I never really talk about her, if i think about her too much I start to tear up so I make myself stop. I finally realized that I need to just write about her and get it all out. No one reads this thing anyway, so I might as well write it here on this blog. I am not a very good writer so don’t expect much.

My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old, I really don’t have any memories of living with my father. I would only get to visit him one or twice a year, he and my step mom lived far away. It was always just me and Mom. She struggled at first trying to support us, being a working woman in the 70s was difficult, especially for a divorced woman with a kid. But she was a strong woman, I do remember that about her, she stood up for herself, and spoke her mind. I was a pain in the neck son. I don’t really have too many memories from when I was a kid, other than I had a bad temper, very picky eater, and general devil child. But my mom put up with me and was apparently a good enough influence. I have never really been in serious trouble, never been arrested, and I feel grew up to be a half-way decent person.

I was in 8th grade the first time she was diagnosed with cancer. She tried her best to play it down and of course I was too into what ever I was doing to really understand it all. She had friends take her to doctor appointments and for treatments. She never really let on how bad it was on her, at least to me. After a year of treatments she went into remission. Then about a year later, they found more cancer. Another year of treatments, another year of remission. This pattern happened 2 more times. That’s 8 years of battling cancer for her. I was never around for her as much as I should have been.

I remember the night I got back to my apartment and my roommate said that someone had called and said my mom was in the hospital in Topeka. I had a friend drive me there and I stayed and talked with my mom for a long time. We both knew it was the last time we would be able to talk.